Admiration
by The-Great-Poptart
Summary: Denzel admires Cloud. Cloud admired Sephiroth. What a dilemma.


Summary: Denzel admires Cloud. Cloud admired Sephiroth. What a dilemma.

A/N: Three things. I've never written Final Fantasy fanfiction before so the characters may be off. I just wanted to experiment with the interaction between Cloud and Denzel this is just meant to be practice for a story later, if people think I should make one. I adore the Cloud/ Denzel father/son relationship idea. There aren't enough stories concerning the two. Which is odd considering I'm such a Sephiroth/Cloud/ Zax triangle whore it's not funny.

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_Slow now._

_Lift up. Push forward._

Why bother? As hard as I try I'll never be as good as him. He's everything and more. Beautiful, strong, _perfect._

He's everything I want to be. A God that deserves the world to fall before his graceful power. A man like none other.

_Faster._

I remember when I first met him. There I was, the last of the little "Trash Diggers" who remained in Old Midgar. I didn't want to leave behind the memories of those I loved. To lost in a past I didn't want. I was stubborn, I had gotten used to living without rules that I didn't want to go back to the world of adults.

So, I continued, alone I did what I could to survive in the remains of the Old Midgar wreckage after everyone had left me. Days had passed where I hadn't eaten. I was becoming delirious with hunger. It didn't matter, though, I preferred to die of hunger then the black thing that was growing on my body, that I had seen take so many strangers, friends; Geostigma.

I headed towards the one of the few places left in tact, the little church that had sheltered so many. Maybe if I prayed someone could save me? Then I saw it. The beautiful black motorcycle that he'd throw a fit about the smallest scratch. His pride and joy.

I stood and stared. How? Why? And then it hit me. Everything that had happened. The plate dropping underneath my parents, the nice old woman that had taken care of me, of everyone I had befriended and lost. How incredibly lonely I felt within those few memories made me numb to everything else around me. I knew that there was only one thing that I wanted.

_Careful, you'll stumble if you go to fast here and drop it again._

I stumbled over to the bike (I don't remember walking towards it, but I knew I wasn't close enough to it.), eyes wide and focused (but I don't remember seeing anything). My stubby hand, dirty from months of not being washed and bloody from scrap metal (pieces of it were still stuck in my hand.), reached inside the rough leather hide. I found what I wanted. I pulled my hand back out with the PHS. The newest model. I turned it on, I let it redial the last number and I held it up to my ear.

_He'd be so disappointed if I dropped it again._

"Hello?" A beautiful female voice... could it be?

"Mommy?" I was crying. "Is that you mommy?"

"Cloud? What's going on?"

My breath hitched and I was surprised I even felt my knees buckle.

_Try **harder.**_

When I came to I was in a strange bed in a strange place, with no recollection as to how I got there. My hand was clean but unbandaged, a wet cloth was on my head, and a plate of food sat on the stand to my right. The light coming through the window at the foot of the bed was muted by the partially closed curtains, the breeze felt good against my skin.

"Oh, you're awake."

I recognized that voice, vaguely. I looked across the room at the open door. A rather pretty, if not busty, woman had come in.

"You were unconscious when you were brought in. I though you would be out a lot longer than this," she said.

"Unconscious? Where am I," I asked. " Who are you?"

"I'm Tifa. You're in Seventh Heaven." Movement caught my eye and I looked down to find a little girl, not much younger than me, hiding behind the woman. "Cloud said he'd found you in midgar."

"Where am I now?" I was confused. How far from home was I? And... Cloud? What kind of name was Cloud?

"You're in Edge."

"Edge?"

"Yes, there's food beside you if you're hungry. For now though get some more rest, okay?" She smiled so prettily. The little girl behind her gave a little wave.

In the end I came to know Tifa and Marlene. Came to know Seventh Heaven as my home. For the life of me, though, I know I will never truly get to know Cloud Strife. Not like I want to. Because... because I want to _be_ him.

"That's enough."

The soft voice had caught me off guard. Sweat was pouring from my body, my hands cold and clammy from it. I'm not very good. I've been trying for a year now and I only seem to get worse.

"Please, just a little longer, Cloud." I'm begging, we both know it. I don't want it to end, though. It's one of his few days off and we hardly ever get to do this. I remember when I first asked him to train me. He'd given me such a funny look, but he agreed, didn't even ask questions.

He was giving me that same funny look. He went over and set on the hill we were currently training on. He absolutely refused to train me in Edge. He said it could be dangerous.

He patted the ground beside him, he wanted me to sit beside him.

I sat down, the grass was cool against my hot body. I didn't want to look at him, was afraid to. I wanted nothing more than for him to acknowledge me, I didn't want to see disappointment from him, though.

"Why?"

The silent word was enough to get me to look up at him, startled. He wasn't even looking at me, but off into the distance, towards edge.

"Why do you want to learn so badly?" He glanced over at me. "Why are you trying so hard?"

I couldn't stop my blush or my new transfixtion with the grass. It really was pretty... I look back over at him and he's still staring at me from the corner of his eye.

I take a deep breath. I need to have courage, like him. My one constant thought.

"I... I want to be... like you." I look at him from the corner of my eye. He's giving me a puzzled look.

"Why?"

I turn to him fully. Shock running through my body.

"Why? Why not! You're everything!" My brain has shut down and my mouth begins to run away with itself, trying to justify my obsession. "You're strong, graceful, no one would dare try to bully you and..."

His eyes had glazed over. No longer staring at me, but through me. Staring at his past.

"Cloud?" I ask tentavily. He blinks coming back to himself.

"Listen," he begins, " there is no future in wanting to be like someone else. It makes you nothing more than a copy, a clone."

"What's so bad about that," I wonder.

"A person is special because they're unique. To become like someone else destroys what makes you, you. If you want to become like someone, you'll always find yourself comparing yourself to them, and you'll always find yourself short. Disappointed. The only happiness is in life is to become you. People will respect that of you. And you won't regret it."

He spoke like he was speaking from experience. It confused me.

"Cloud..?" He'd closed his eyes now.

"I was never really good at anything."

I blinked. Cloud? Not good at anything.

"I lived in the town of Neibleheim near Mt. Nieble with Tifa. I was bullied constantly. I hated it. No one liked me. I hated myself for being weak. I wanted to be like someone else, the Hero of my time."

"Who?" I was entranced in this story. I just couldn't imagine Cloud like this.

"Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth? But he's..." He rose his hand to silence my outburst.

"He wasn't always that way. He was the best, and I wanted to be like him. So, I joined the ShinRa army in hopes of getting into Soldier."

"And look at you know. I bet you blew them all away!"

He shook his head. "I never got in. I wasn't good enough."

"But, you're... you. If you didn't get in then why do you look the way you do?"

He grew silent contemplative. His back hunched, he drew his knees up to his chest. It was an odd self-comforting gesture I'd never seen of him.

"I went on a mission with Sephiroth and ultimately he went crazy and killed everyone in the town, set it to flames."

"Where was the mission?"

"Neibleheim."

"Oh. But how did you..."

"I was... regretful of my choice from that day forward due to what followed."

"What followed?"

"How I became the way I am."

"And?"

"And that's a story for another day. Besides, it's rather depressing."

I looked at him incrediously. 'Just know," he continued, " I regretted it from that point on. I had lost myself in my attempt to be like someone else. And, "He looked over at me, " I'm only recently finding it again."

I felt warm again. A nice tingly sensation in my chest. Cloud cared about me. Who I was. I looked up to see the sun set over Edge.

I smiled a tiny smile. Regardless, I still want to be like him.

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